The Travel Edition

One of the great things about living in a condo is that you can travel without worrying about who’s going to pick up the mail, mow the lawn etc. We are accompanying my mother in law to her hometown of Newton, Iowa for a family wedding. But travel these days is not without travails:

 Our itinerary is SEA ORD DSM  

At O’Hare, since we are traveling with Handsome Husband’s 83 year mother we are met with what I call a “beep beep cart” those carts that take you from one gate to the next and honk their tinny horn at the poor suckers walking. Our beep beep cart driver was in a word, “fast”.

 To mix a number of movie references here’s a recap: 

We were FLYING along the concourse at O’Hare. So fast my hair is blowing back in the wind. Remember the scene from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” when they are in that boat towards the end? Like that. Especially because the United terminal has all those neon lights.

 We are heading right towards an Arrivals/Departures board at a full speed. I’m thinking this better be a Platform 9 3/4 situation because otherwise we’re in trouble when the driver makes a Crazy Ivan 90 degree right turn into an elevator, gets us down to the next concourse and we arrive at our gate.

 We then board the smallest plane I have ever been on. Like it should have a Playmobile sticker and assembly directions with it. But it’s not so small that it doesn’t have a First Class section — consisting of four people.

 While the rest of us slobs got “water service” which is room temperature water in plastic glasses, those four guys got wine in glass goblets. The struggle is real. #feeltheBern #nonotreally

 Our next episode: watch us freeze when confronted with a single garbage can in the breakfast room of the Best Western. Our plates clearly hold paper, plastic and compostables yet we are unable to figure out where to put them.

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