The Rules Edition

Last week we all received  in our cubbie the new edition of “Welcome to Del Boca Sunset” (in the great circle of life, Handsome Husband  and I once again have cubbies. They are next to the mail boxes and are used to leave notes for fellow residents. Fingers crossed everyone buys classroom packs at Valentine’s Day!)

The Welcome book had helpful information like the Move In rules – which at first seemed like an odd choice since if you have a cubbie you’ve obviously moved in. Then I realized you can’t call out a new neighbor for violating the move in rules if you don’t have a copy of them. Well played, Del Boca Sunset, well played.

The handbook also had emergency preparedness tips written in Comic Sans font. Which, as everyone knows, is only to be used for scoldy notes in shared office kitchens. So color me unprepared because I won’t read it. Also the Downton Abbey mug in the sink at work – I’m letting it soak.

Handsome Husband and I decided to go sit in the hot tub around 9 last night. When we got there, we noticed a sign “Friendly Reminder: Please Abide by The rules Thank you”.  Yes that ransom note random capitalization was used and let’s face it there is so much wrong with that:

The reminder is anything but friendly. Someone has witnessed a rule breaker.

Just say it.

If you are a rule breaker, you aren’t going to rethink your thug life because of a note.

After our soapy showers (Page 7 Welcome to DBS) I went to turn on the bubbles and by mistake hit the “Emergency Shut Off” which not only shuts off the bubbles but sets off an alarm. So while Handsome Husband sprinted to the guard house to figure out how to turn off the waa waa noise and  I frantically tried to figure out where the speaker was located. I could see lights coming on in the condos facing the pool.

Once I found the speaker, I covered it with my beach towel and then saw someone come into the pool area. I must have done a pretty good job of muffling the waa waa noise because she got into the hot tub about five feet away from where I was standing without hesitating.

At this point I’m in a black bathing suit, standing in the bushes steps away from her holding a towel against the speaker and she hasn’t noticed me!

I realize that I have a very limited time before this goes from awkward to weird,. so I cough. She jumps up and screams. More lights go on in the condos facing the pool.

Handsome Husband arrives with the guard (picture Don Knotts from that haunted house movie but in John Stockton length shorts) We get the alarm turned of and sit down in the hot tub.

Our neighbor (who Handsome Husband thinks may in fact be Elke Sommer) asked us if we’d taken a soapy shower (we had) then explained that she had taken one back in her condo before she came downstairs but was concerned that she might get in trouble. Apparently there is a neighbor with a pool facing condo who, upon hearing the pool door open,will watch and see if people follow the shower rules. If she doesn’t see you shower she will REPORT YOU TO THE CONDO OFFICE! And they come to your door to remind you about the rules!

After some discussion where I tried to figure out who on earth was the tattletale, Elke Sommer said “You might remember her from the HOA meeting. She had a problem with the ducklings.”

Oh yes.

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